Mum guilt, the true realities
March 5, 2023
Mum guilt is real, it’s a feeling that you’re not doing enough as a parent, it can appear at anytime and without warning. It’s an “Imposter”
I know there is no exact science to mum guilt, there is no single “definition” – we will experience mum guilt in many different ways.
I often find that I am a little too hard on myself, I am naturally an over thinker. I sit back, look at my kids and think I’m not doing enough. My thoughts often run away with me… I’m not giving my kids enough attention, I haven’t played with them enough today.. I’m not doing the best I can.
It’s a feeling that eats me up, it’s intense and some days it consumes me entirely.
I’m a working mum, so I am constantly juggling work and the kids. I know I’m my own worst critic, if I have to take a work call around nap time, or I’m busy with work at dinner time I feel unbelievably guilty. Things tend to spiral and some days I find it difficult to think of anything else.
My kids will always be priority – they have been since the day they were born. I often think back to when my first born came into this world and how my life changed indefinitely. The word “worry” gained a whole new meaning, one that will never go away – it was a huge adjustment.
I think mum guilt is often overlooked, we tend to ignore it and just continue with the juggle of parenting. I know it’s normal but sometimes it’s a struggle to deal with.
I saw something on Instagram a few days ago.. It said “you are replaceable at work but not at home” this rang true, I love my job but I want to be the present with my kids too.
Next time things get a little intense and you’re experiencing mum guilt, try some of these techniques to see if they help.
Write a journal – this weekend I have felt anxious and extremely guilty – I find writing helps, I’ve been dipping in and out of this blog post, it’s my way to process my thoughts and feelings – writing how I feel, putting pen to paper helps soften the pressures slightly.
Self compassion – Step back & be kinder on yourself- as I mentioned earlier, I am my biggest critic. We all need to be kinder on ourselves and take a look at the positives, all the amazing things we do and achieve daily – Even the little things, our kids are loved, fed and clean – they’re happy.
Take a deep breath – Those deep breaths help, I have moments of panic and when I do I take myself away, take a few deep breaths and try and reset.
Prioritise self care – Establish a self care routine – I love my showers, recently I’ve been taking one in the morning and one before bed. A shower helps me feel a little more refreshed and clears my mind.
Get help / support – I think we all need help and support, I try and do everything myself, I usually take on everything and just run with it – but I think it’s equally important to acknowledge when you need help and take it.
These are just a few tips that I have used, they may help or even lighten the load a little. “Parenting is a crazy rollercoaster and we are all riding it together”