Parenting is a bowl full of ingredients
“Parenting isn’t easy, it’s intense, it’s overwhelming and it’s exhausting”
….. but it’s also so rewarding & exciting.. my heart bursts with love for my little humans…!
The mixture of emotions you feel is real, it’s like a big bowl full of ingredients, filled with so many different flavours and textures. The “ups”, the “downs” the “anxiety”, the “love”…. All so rich in flavour.
I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my first born. It was January 2015, It was just three months after I had suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks.
I had gone through the motions, my first midwife appointment, blood tests, I was given my maternity folder & exemption card – I had also gone through 10 really hard weeks of severe sickness & nausea..
When I found out that I was expecting again, especially so soon after my miscarriage I was naturally worried, I didn’t want to go through how I had felt the first time, both mentally and physically – it was hard.
I wanted to be positive, I wanted to be happy and excited but I struggled, my bowl was filled with”anxiety”, “fear”, “panic”… Everything that tasted terrible.
I did however manage to get through those 9 months, it was an emotional rollercoaster – many trips to the hospital, extra scans but I welcomed my first born in September 2015, albeit by an emergency c section (but I will touch upon this separately) it was then that my life changed forever and my parenting journey began.
Years passed by, I always knew I wanted another baby- I just didn’t feel ready. The thought of getting pregnant filled me with dread, the feelings & intensity of it all. I also worried about how my first would feel, the thought of not being able to give him all my attention.
Mama guilt is real, I think every parent feels it in some way or another, overthinking everything, worrying about even the smallest things…
I remember one evening I was brushing my teeth & I glanced over at my son’s toothbrush, I remember thinking to myself how nice it would be to have two little tooth brushes stood by one another, it was then that I realised I was ready.
In March 2020, the day lockdown was announced I found out I was expecting my second. I remember panicking, feeling physically unwell. We were heading into lockdown and a global pandemic had broken out, and I was expecting.
Lockdown hit me hard, I was extremely sick again and bed ridden. I felt isolated & down, I was stuck in one place, not mixing with loved ones… Thankfully I made the decision to move into my mum’s, and spent 3 months there.
Life is really full of surprises, you can never truly plan now things work out & when what will happen.